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"Creativity"

The Crazies Review

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson

Director: Breck Eisner

Year: 2010

They aren’t zombies, okay guys! Anyway, the Crazies. And by crazy, I mean those are some crazy bastards. For a little synopsis, it’s pretty simple. There is a small town, and someone goes crazy. And then another, and another, and then shit hit’s the fan. And no, the whole town doesn’t just become a bunch of flesh eating zombies. A bunch of guys that are probably working for the government are going around killing anyone that isn’t diseased, and sort saving those who aren’t. As for the crazies, they’re basically people who nonchalantly do really fucked up things. They don’t bite or do any of that, all right? The word zombie might have been brought up a couple times in the making of this, but trust me, it’s its own thing, and stays away from my little zombie section on my shelf. And yeah, as for the movie, it’s pretty predictable. Not on what happens, but it’s formula. It’s a adrenaline scary movie that will have you pretty entertained, and that’s about it. And with that being said, I would like to call something the Point A to Point B movies point. And the point is, some movies are harder to review when you take things out of context and start saying what you like about them. Like Signs, if you actually start trying to dissect Signs, it’ll suck. Just like this. But when you put it in, and then go from Point A to Point B, no it’ll be a good movie. And that’s what this is. Are the characters good? No, they’re one-dimensional as fuck, but who really cares? The main guy, he’s a cop, that’s all you need. The wife is his wife, his friend is the redneck sidekick, all you need. The Crazies on the other hand, they’re not very one-dimensional. Yeah, there aren’t a lot in the movie, but they get really good moments. They’re messed up, what can I say. And the main thing this movie has going on for it is how intense and scary it is. Scary in that, "Ah, what’s gonna happen!” type of scary. Like thriller meets scary, or just in that realm of slasher. And yeah, I think things go badly for our characters at least like a dozen times. Like every other scene something bad happens. And you know those moments when movies try to scare you, but fail? Like when the music will get really loud, then suddenly shut off? But oh no, nothing really happened, someone just did something. That happens, but it backs it up. I honestly believed any of these characters could die at any moment, because from the deaths beforehand, it really seemed that way. And yeah, food fodder characters for those gripping moments, they’re there. And when I say intense, it’s not just running from some Crazies. Like, all sorts of shitty things happen in such a way that these people’s luck is just terrible. And each way is creative and different, and I hadn’t seem things like it before. And yeah, point A to point B. Sure if something bad happened and they got away, would that scene be important? Fuck no, but who cares? It’s visually interesting enough, and had enough substance to make a good movie. Is there a moral? Well the cover says fear thy neighbor, and that’s not bad. Seriously, if you live in a small town, you might just want to stay in for a day or two after watching this. Anyway, here’s probably how this went down. Somebody was sick of zombie movies, and wanted to make an alternative. And so he played Bioschock and was like, "Whoa! That’s it!” So he made a half ass reason for having Splicers in real life, and this the birth of that guy. Is this one of those watch once movies where you don’t really watch again? Yep, pretty much, or at least I think so. And yeah, nice movie, not much they did wrong off the top of my head. It was a nice movie, and they had a really cool shot at the end which was nice. And for the last time, they’re not zombies! They’re Splic—I mean Crazies!

The Crazies gets a 3/5

Spoilers: So, the government was going to destroy a town, but then just missed? That’s a pretty big fucking whoops! But it’s okay, just kill everyone and nuke the bitch, right? Right? I’m sure nobody would ever find out what happened in there. Nobody in small towns ever leave, so I guess that makes sense. But in the end didn’t it just say like they’re screwed anyway cause they were just taking out the whole county? Well shit, so much for our nice little ending!

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